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Dealing with dating uncertainty
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Anxiety in the Uncertain Relationship: Why You Have It and How to Overcome It
Do you really feel comfortable about picking things up where they were left? Uncertianty so, would you run the risk of driving yourself into a paranoid frenzy, every time you could not get in touch with them? Ok, assuming everything is going well and you have been seeing each other for a few weeks. When do you make the crossover from seeing someone casually to dating exclusively? Is it naturally implied, or should you be asked?
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This may not always be reciprocated by your partner, but in the long run this will pay dividends. In uncerhainty on again, off again type of power struggle, one person in the relationship feels very certain and the other person doesn't. This usually results in a uncertainfy where the uncertain one is calling all the shots and dictating the wih of the relationship. The ucnertainty who Dealimg certain feels anxious because they are in a heightened state of anxiety due to the fact that they don't know where they stand yet have an attachment to the person.
They may fear losing this person and when their attachment object is uncertain, the fear of losing them is always in the back of the mind. Keep in mind that most uncertain situations cause anxiety because there is no sense of security, stability or safety in these dynamics. In many cases, the person who feels so certain is blinded by a myriad of complex factors. A roller coaster dynamic such as the on again, off again relationship is a bit like a drug. The certain person is either subconsciously or consciously seeking validation from the uncertain person.
When they receive that validation it feels exhilarating and blissful. When the uncertain person takes that attention away it's a very disappointing and sometimes its a devastating crash. Sometimes the rollercoaster dynamic makes it easy to think you are in love with someone or that no on else can compare to them. This is because the rollercoaster dynamic can make you feel like you're crazy and desperately wanting to be with that person. That's usually not love, that's the dynamic of uncertainty. An on again off again dynamic does not create an environment where a healthy long term relationship can grow. All couples have their issues but one can only see them clearly and begin to work on them when the couple is in a position where they are seeing each other on a frequent basis with a clear commitment.
When the relationship starts to feel safer and more comfortable, you can see the other person for who they really are and not through the blinders you see them with when they are unavailable to you. There are many reasons why someone may be emotionally unavailable or uncertain but the reasons aren't actually that important.